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Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Flight Attendants

Normally I never touch current events, but today is special. The flight attendant who jumped off the plane was awesome, although I normally hate flight attendants and actually commend the person who called him a motherfucker and hit him with a bag. But taking 2 beers and jumping down the slide is awesome.

Now I have flown all over the world and flight attendants in other countries are hot and nice. Flight attendants in the US are a bunch of nasty, chip on their shoulder, bunch of slobs, except the gay guys actually. The gay guys are about the only good American flight attendants.

I was on a plane once and had 3 children and 2 adults in one 3 seated area. I was not aware that you can only have 1 child on a lap instead of 2 in this ares. A flight attendant comes over and instead of telling me the rule, just says "do you want your child to get hurt or die?" I was like WTF are you talking about, she then explains that there are only 4 oxygen masks overhead and if we lose pressurization than one of my kids will get hurt. I said ok and I and one of the children moved. The whole incident was bizarre, instead of just coming and telling me you can't have more than 4 people in that seat, she tried to guilt me first, (which at the time I just was weirded out become some flight attendant out of the blue talking about my child's death), but then she tries to use some type of argument with me about why we have this rule. I don't give a fuck why we have the rule, the chances of the cabin losing pressurization are about as possible of getting struck by lightning, but that doesn't matter, because I would have obeyed the fucking rule regardless. It reminded of the Simpsons episode where the lady selling baby safety equipment just comes up and says "Your Baby is Dead."

Flight attendants suck, I've heard about them threatening people, breaking people's items' in their carry ons, and their shitty fucking attitude. Maybe people wouldn't be so rude to these assholes if they didn't act like assholes themselves. FUCK FLIGHT ATTENDANTs, who needs these dicks anyways, they bring a tray of drinks around, so what, I don't need their drink, fuck them.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

YOU CALL YOURSELF A FILM CRITIC.....IM A FUCKING FILM CRITIC

READ THIS GARBAGE FROM
http://ireport.cnn.com/blogs/ireport-blog/2010/07/29/calling-all-film-fans---cnn-ireport-roundtable-thursdays-at-3-pm-et-with-special-guests?hpt=C2


"We’re honored this week to have two very special guests - Entertainment Weekly's Owen Gleiberman and Lisa Schwarzbaum - joining us to take your questions on film criticism. We hope you’ll be able to join us for the roundtable today at 3 p.m. ET. In the meantime, check out 10 top tips from EW's finest.

Tips from Owen:

1. Try not to go in with any expectations. Don¹t do any “research,” or read about it on the Web. Just let the movie wash over you, and take it all in.

2. Don¹t grade on a curve. Give each film the absolute honest assessment it deserves.

3. Take notes. The main reason to do so is to remember details. Write down lines of dialogue, song choices, jokes, types of automobiles, the color of wallpaper. Anything that really strikes you.

4. In writing a review, don¹t just offer a judgment; try to capture, in your review, the flavor of a movie and what’s most distinctive about it. Remember: Every movie is different. A review should capture what¹s unique about each one.

5. Ignore everyone else’s opinion but your own. A review should be a pure expression of what YOU think, not a fancy form of channeling other people¹s thoughts and feelings. It doesn¹t matter if you¹re in the majority, the minority, or even if you¹re a minority of one: What matters, above all, is your personal experience of the movie in question.

Tips from Lisa:

1. Go into every movie with an open, receptive mind: You’re writing about the movie on the screen, not the movie you wish you saw.

2. Tell your reader what you see so she or he can see it clearly too.

3. Remember you’re writing for a smart, interested reader and no one else. You¹re not writing to settle scores or to compete with other reviewers or to curry favor with filmmakers.

4. Without authoritative synthesis and analysis, a review is merely an inconsequential statement of opinion, i.e., I liked this movie or I didn¹t like that one. So do your homework and state your case.

5. See a lot of movies. Watch TV --- it¹s the daily visual record of popular culture. Then go outside and get fresh air and exercise."

My Response is OWen your a fucking pussy, What the hell does don't grade on a curve mean? Bring notes, I'm not bringing notes, who the fuck brings a notbeook to the movies? My judgements capture the flavor of the movie, if my judgement is the movie sucks, than the flavor is suckiness. I agree with your number 5, considering my opinion is fact around these here parts when it comes to movies.



Lisa shutup your an idiot. No film critic, with the exception of me, writes for a "smart" reader, nobody gives a shit what a film critic says, theyre generally the completer opposite opinions of what the general public like (normally most things I post on this blog are total bullshit but this one is true.) I do go into a movie with an "open" mind whatever the fuck that means, although if I go in expecting to see a comedy and it's not funny, then yeah I am going to be ticked off. What the fuck does "Authoritive syntheses and analysis" mean? Your number 5 is bullshit, I don't need some asshole telling me to watch tv and then go exercise what the fuck kind of tip is that.

These 2 reviewers are totally full of shit, I could bullshit 100 times better bullshit than these fuckers. Just because they have some title as "Film Critic" doesn't mean dick, I have the title "Film Critic" so my tips are fucking solid. Here are my 5 tips for "budding film critics."


1. If the movie sucks in the first thirty minutes ask for a refund, I have had to exercise this move a couple of times, once when I was roped into a Van Damme movie, god it was awful

2. The most important aspect to all movies is not the story, the special effects, or anything else that critics bullshit about so much, it is the characters and their beleivability (Acting). Mr Miyagi is one beleivable Okinawan dude, and Daniel Laruso is myself at 15, Johnny was a dick, and John Kreese was a fucking whack job who was just misunderstood. That is why Karate Kid is a great fucking movie. That is also why the New Karate Kid can never compete, could you imagine a remake of It's a Wonderful Life without Jimmy Stewart, fuck you Jackie Chan.

3. I agree with that fuckface liberal asshole Owen, that your opinion is the most important, that's why ignore all critics except mine of course which is the one true movie review language. Anytime anyone tells you "you will love it, its the best movie ever" they are always wrong, the movie sucks and my attitude towards the person who recommended such a shitty movie is "Don't ever talk to me again."

4. Don't bring 40's to the theater, it just doesn't work well.

5. Anything that stars Tim Allen or Robin Williams sucks ..... that is a fact.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Karate Kid Boycott success

We can declare victory. The official KARATE KID BOYCOTT has been so successful that the movie is being taken out of theaters. I guess if we keep this up, there will be no versions of the Karate Kid in any theater in about a month.

As my favorite George Bush Banner states "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED"

Take that Jackie Chan and Will Smith.

Keep up the good work.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Brannan Island SRA

I recently went to Brannan island state recreation area just north of Antioch, CA. Let me tell you it sucked bad. I paid $30 for a campsite. When I got to the campground it was everything wrong with camping.

For one there were 120 sites in a very small area, I never will understand why anyone thinks its fun to go camping when there are more people in the vicinity of the campground then there would be near your home, I estimate at a campground of 120 spots there is approximately 720 people. Camping to me is getting away from people and getting out in nature.

Two there was traffic everyhwhere, I have small children and I constantly had to watch out for them, of course the campsite is in the middle of a maze of several roads, how camping next to a bunch of roads has anything to do with roughing it, is beyond me. I have small children and we can't exactly backpack into the wilderness, but pulling up throwing out a tent right next to the road is pointless.

Third reason why camping at Brannan Island sucks, there was no scenery, our campsite was in a mowed grass with not a tree around, it being a very hot and sunny day there was no shade whatsoever, of course the neighbors on both sides who were both about 6yards away had one tree each in their campsite. Brannan Island is the only campground that assigns you a campsite number, so moving wasn't an option.

Four I have been to many campgrounds and I have never seen so many fucking hillbillies in my life. There was literally a group that bought a flag of Nascar and had it put up to fly high. The people next to my campsite were a bunch of fat fucking pigs. Then the other groups of people looked like they were just at the campground because they could smoke meth in peace. I know I may be a hillbilly myself but that doesn't mean I have to enjoy being around "my people" when I go camping. Nascar flag means no fucking sleep for anyone around.

Five, There was no place for my kids to play around unless we drove to another part of the park, I got neighbors right next to us, Roads surrounding us, so literally our campsite is about 30 squaure yards, with traffic and hillbiillies in all directions. This is actually a summary of previous notes, but it did suck a lot.

Six, $30 for fucking what. California camping rates cost as much as a motel 6 room. What service do they fucking provide, I guess they cut the grass provide a fire ring, porta potties, and pick up the trash. Considering state and local taxes paid for the implementation and construction of the roads, fire rings, and picnic tables, I really don't understand why they need to collect $30 for maintenance cost. At full capacity this place could generate $3600 in a night, I am pretty sure that could pay for the lawn mower, garbage collection, port a potty cleanup, and to pay for a host to make sure campers are following the rules. Even at 25% capacity at 30 days in a month which is very conservative that is $27,000 a month. My guess is the majority of the money goes to paying the two full time people collecting it at the front gate, which is really bullshit unless your the 2 full time employees. They also charge a day use fee to people who aren't camping so the whole park is a money maker to the people who work for the state. I should have asked them how much they make, I bet since their state employees porbably 100k without including benefits.

All in all, after an hour there I packed up my tent, got a refund and said fuck this, and went back to my house. WE camped in the backyard with a bunch of food, fire wood, smores, and drinks, which ended up costing exactly $30.01. I paid a penny more than camping and actually had somehting of value. FUCK YOU BRANNAn INSLAND STATE RECREATION AREA.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Aly Morita's Boycott

YES it is true that Mr Miyagi's own daughter is on board with the Boycott of the Karate Kid, she heard it here first. Look what day my boycott started and then look what day she announced her boycott, yes the 11th of June. If my boycott can reach into the heart of Miyagi's own real kids, than we are going to shut Hollywood down and then China itself.

I have a message for the writer of the remake, "MR KARATE KID REMAKE WRITER, TEAR DOWN THIS MOVIE"

Heres the link to prove ROBERT STOKES BOYCOTT is growing faster than the Gulf oil spill.
http://www.hyphenmagazine.com/blog/archive/2010/06/aly-morita-calls-boycott-karate-kid

I do have somewhat of a problem with this, up until the 11 of June when you typed in "Karate Kid Boycott" in google you were directed here, now they are acting as if ALY MORITA came up with this. THIS IS STILL THE ONLY OFFICIAL KARATE KID BOYCOTT SITE ON THE WEB. All others are fake and phony. My boycotters and I protested at the Rave movie theater in Bretnwood last saturday and I did not see Aly Morita or any other phonies. Just to make things clear to you die hards.

Karate Kid Boycott

Me and the rest of the Karate Kid boycotters protested the movie over the weekend at the Brentwood RAVE complex. I got into an argument with many pro

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Karate Kid Boycott

This is no longer a movie blog...... This is now the headquarters of the "Karate Kid Boycott." As many people know I am a huge Karate Kid fan I even named my kids Johnny, Bobby, Freddy, and Daniel. But this Karate Kid remake..... WHY???????

Boycotts seem to be the norm these days, most of them I don't get, for example we buy lots of shit from China, and China is known to be one of the worst human rights abusers on the planet, but do people boycott China, no they boycott Arizona for practicing state sovereign democracy. Well my Boycott involves boycotting China so you should join too.

Here are my reasons for the boycott.
1. Karate Kid does not need a remake it's awesome as it is, the sequals really werent that great anyways, well 3 was pretty good.
2. China, I have stated this in earlier post, but one of the attractions of the original is it's setting in California, as a kid it seemed like a really cool place with beach parties and cool Okinawan dudes. I have been to China and although I did like the people, they were not cool, and their beaches don't allow you to see the sun. China was a nice place to visit, but to live, fuck no. You can watch the origianl and actually think wow, besides those dicky Kobra Kais California looks like a cool place to live.
3. The kid is 10. I see the commercials of this 10 year old throwing Jackie Chan around, it reminded me of that Seinfeld episode wher Kramer beats up all the kids in his Karate class, but touts that they are all the same level and I realized Seinfeld was real and this new movie was not. This is also not to mention what 10 year old has a serious problem with bullying? I mean I know it happens, but how serious. Daniel in the original is a teenager, I think every teenage boy can recognize with Daniel's situation at one time or another. Overall the kid in the Karate kid is actually a kid, not a young man as Daniel was.
4. Jackie Chan, I like Jackie Chan, but he is no fucking Miyagi, nobody knew who the hell Pat Morita was till Miyagi, thats what everyone liked about him, I am still amazed that the accent is fake.
5. China...again. The movie is about an American family living in China (I think). I am sure many people can recognize moving to a new area or a new state, but really how many people move from the US to China, I know it's probably in the thousands but out of 300 million people, thats nothing. One of the greats of the original is recognizing how the new kid feels at a different school and place. Ok they do that in this new Karate Kid but to the fucking extreme in a new country, making the whole premise of the new kid as foreign as fucking China is.
6. China again, by supporting this new Karate Kid you will be supporting the Chinese who will take your money and shoot some political dissident in the head with it, they also support North Korea so you will be helping Kim Jung Il form more concentration camps.
7. Its not even Karate its Kung Fu in this one, they should change the name to the Kung Fu kid and I will end my botcott
8. Everyone knows black kids from Detroit would kick the hell out of a bunch of liite Chinese kids any day of the week
9. No cameo of Ralph Macchio (so I have heard)
10. If you don't support this boycott then your Racist

Thursday, June 3, 2010

EMily Henochowicz

In case you don't know her she is some American woman who lost an eye the other day when she was protesting Israel and an Israeli soldier shot her with a tear gas can. I left a comment on her website, sympathizing with her and telling her I know how she feels, because I too lost an eye when an angry Parrot ripped it out when I was posing for a Captain Morgan commercial but hey thats another story. As soon as I did this, my Gary Coleman died post started receiving threats calling me an infidel, and one in broken english saying soon I will know pain. I already know pain a fucking Parrott attacked me, it hurt.

Friday, May 28, 2010

GARY COLEMAN DIED

REMEMBER THIS MOMENT IT WILL DEFINE YOUR LIFE, "Where were you when GARY COLEMAN DIED"

Another friendly pit bull story

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-san-bernardino-pit-bull-mauling,0,2534541.story

Why is that every asshole on the planet, says my pitt bull really loves kids. Whoever would have small children and a pitt bull in the same house are fucking stupid.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The immaculates cult is real

Upon recommendation by one of the fans of this website, I was directed to investigate a cult called "The immaculates." These fuckers exist and like all Cults they blow the fucking mind considering how fucking weird they are. This cult is led by this whacko, John Mark Karr who claimed to Kill Jon Benet Ramsey, somehow he has a cult that has followers who give him little girls dressed up like Jon Benet Ramsey. It's fucking real which is really fucking depressing to know.

Guys like John Mark Karr and David Berg (COG cult) give cults a real bad rep. Some good Cults were Jim Jones' "People's Temple" and Heavens Gate, they didn't hurt innocent people just themselves. Even Koresh and the Branch Davidians really weren't that bad, all they did was defend themselves. Personally Jim Jones did the world a favor, how do you convince 900 liberals to kill themselves?

But this Karr, he's not a cult leader he is a pedophile. I wish he would have joined the "Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments." Those guys know how to get things done.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Repeated attacks

Since this blogs inception several weeks ago I have been repeatedly threatenned and harasses and I will not take it any more. For example here is a comment that I deleted.

"Mr Stokes, your blog sucks, my blog is vastly superior to yours."

Well here is my response, no your blog is not superior, mine is twice as superior to yours. I, unlike this individual, have the ability to quantify blogs, and lo and behold my blog scores higher than all the other blogs.

Awesome link

http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A3MEPA6GTA2MVZ/ref=cm_rna_own_review_more?ie=UTF8&sort_by=MostRecentReview#R29B149YGDBY29

John Kreese explained (the evil Sensei from The Karate Kid)

I beleive John Kreese, was sent to Vietnam at a young age, as a young man he was idealistic and had compassion for people. When he first saw combat, he had the oppurtunity to finish a wounded enemy soldier, instead he showed mercy and let the man live, immediately the man pulled a hand grenade and killed John's best friend. He realized that his weakness had gotten his friend killed, this angered him and plagued him with guilt, he then came to a conclusion, I must kill the enemy, or he will kill me. This is where it came to Kreese that "mercy is for the weak." When John came home from the war he learned Karate, during his study he was taught that Karate is used for self defense. John never changed the philosophy of Karate, he just knew from practical experience that shooting a sniper before he shoots you was the best defense. This is the foundation of the Cobra Kai, the best defense is a strong and punishing offense. John loved his Cobra Kais, and that is why he was so tough on them, he wished his father was tougher on him when he was younger, so that he would not have had to grow up so quickly one fateful day in Vietnam. When you watch Karate Kid, do not judge Kreese as some brutal man who gets enjoyment out of watching a 15 year old kid get beaten, understand although his intentions and actions may seem misguided, his heart is just that of a patriot. He truly beleives the beatings Daniel takes will make him a stronger man, the ending of this movie is proof that Kreese, although portrayed as the bad guy, truly is the most motivating factor behind the whole movie. Ultimately and indirectly Kreese provides Daniel with friendship and self confidence that would not have happened otherwise.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Blog for sale

As many of my loyal followers know, I have been getting multiple offers on the sale of this blog. Here is a letter from one of them.

Dear Mr Stokes

Your blog is a stroke of genius, unmatched by any other. We want to purchase it for $150,000. When God created man, along with his creation was imperfection, when God created Robert Stokes then there was perfection.

Mike Nichols
President
Telstar Industries

My response is No Way Nichols this blog is worth at least 10 times that amount.

The Boys Next Door

This is a great movie really. IT stars Charlie Sheen in one of his first movies ever. Its about 2 high school kids that take a road trip to LA, Charlie Sheen's character is kind of normal but his buddy is a maniac. It is not your typical high school kid road trip movie though. The maniac ends up almost beating some foreign guy to death when the foreigner tries to rip them off on gas. Then the maniac throws a beer bottle that hits this old lady in the head (that was hilarious). He then kills a gay dude, then he kills some easy chick that sleeps with Charlie Sheen. Then Charlie Sheen decides that killing those people was a bad thing and that they should call an end to the road trip (Ya think a couple of murders might ruin your vacation a little bit.) I will not ruin the end, but it's a good movie.

Mainly I like the cops in it, especially when the gay guy is killed the cops investigating are talking with the gay guy's lover, the one cop starts calling the guy a fag and making fun of the "Buttslammin" bar that they were at. It's a completely unneccessary scene, but is hilarious.

If they were ever to make a remake, I would have the dick cop have a more prominent role and have him insulting every victim he came accross. Other than that great movie.

Platoon

I love Platoon, this will always be one of my favorites. Because of this movie I tried joining the military when I was 18. I had the impression that all you do in the army is smoke weed, drink beer, party, play cards, and occasionaly burn down a village after murdering some of it's inhabitants; sounds fun to me. Although I don't think Elias, as cool as he was, would have been allowed to stay in the military before the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy came into effect. The guy is totally queer for Taylor, when he is eating that bannana on that hammack staring at Taylor, I just want to vomit. Oliver Stone clearly hates the US military, half of the soldiers in this movie are complete degenerates, the other half, the good guys are a bunch of wastoids. If I was to remake this movie.... I wouldn't except maybe I would add zombies to the movie, for example Elias would come back as a zombie and Barnes would keep it in a cage.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Wal Mart

Now I shop at Wal Mart cause its cheap and so do a lot of other people. The problem with the people there is that many of them are fat fucking pigs, that are generally too stupid or just plain fucking rude. Now I generally go to Wal Mart in the morning for 2 reasons, 1 to beat any crowds, 2 because all the fat retarded people that take up a whole aisle way and won't or cannot move out of your way somehow can't get their fat asses out of bed till around 1. My wife one time was trapped in an aisle way where 2 of these pigs where at both ends of the aisle way, of course when she tried to pass they wouldn't move, either they were purposely using their large bodies to block the aisle just to be that way or they were just so stupid they didn't realize a cart cant get past them. I think my wife eventually had to say excuse me and got past them. Although sometimes when you use politness with these pigs they take a major offense, one time I walked past one and politely said excuse me to one, she moved and 2 seconds later I could hear her bitching loudly to someone else "ah waznt eeven inn hiz waay" (which she was in my way and she knew it). I think they should offer training to all customers that are as wide as an aisle on how to move out of the way.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Wiggers at Kaiser

My wife was at Kaiser the other day waiting to get a prescription filled, waiting paitiently in line when this woman walks up to ask the pharmacy clerk if her name had been called already. Well I guess a white man who thinks emulating ebonics and a corporate made gangster hip hop lifestyle (a Wigger) had to say something to the clerk. I guess he repeatedly made a statement on behalf of all the other people that he shouldn't let this woman cut in front of the line, sith every other line being "ya know what I'm saying." This must have been the dumbass's first time at Kaiser pharmacy because everyone knows if your a person whose name is called you don't wait in line. So after he the clerk explained to this guy the situation, the wigger kept taking more of the clerks time arguing his case with a lot of ya know what I'm saying. The idiot ending up holding up the line longer than it should of because the clerk was too polite to just ignore this wigger temper tantrum. Although the Wigger did not get out of line, it just makes me think what is wrong with these people.
So called psychiatrist and psychologist diagnose every human personality as a disorder, why are these wiggers seriously not in therapy or on medication. I have not been on the planet too long, but has there ever been a time in history where mass amounts of people some how adopted some identity that they learned from music and television and then became that person. In that case why aren't there more people who act like CLint Eastwood, he is a lot cooler than some retard from Menace to Society that can barely talk English "Snaps on the Petro."
I used to think wiggerdom was some trend that would come and go, like greasers in the 50's. Unfortunately in 2010, they are still alive and well and still acting like a bunch of dumbasses. The worst part is that these guys grew up and are now in their 30's and still talk and act like retards ya know what i'm sayin. A great movie about Wigger culture is White Boyz
I should become one for a day, maybe I will realize I will like it and I will stay that way forever. Here is my strategy.
1. Spend 48 hours watching every black gangster movie I can find
2. Make a physical threat to at least one person a day using words such as "whup, beat down, split yo whig" (of course I never intend to act on this except unless I have a wigger in training with me and a serious advantage of size)
3. Every time I meet someone new I will act in a confrotational matter until I know the person is "respecting" me if not I will resort to item 2 again with no intent to actually use violence.
4. Be as loud as possible so as everyone knows a real gangsta is present
5. Whatever theyre wearing in the most recent black gangster movie, I'm wearing it.
6. End every sentence with a "ya know what I'm saying" or DamMM
7. Decide whether I am a benevolent thug who has redeemed his wicked past and now refers to women as females, or if I am pure hard gangster and refer to woman in as many derogatory names I can think of.
8. Try to talk how I think ebonics sounds
9. Live my life with the knowledge that only I know the true way of being a man and every other white person just doesn't know how hard it really is.
10. Walk like the main character from Menace to Society.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The fat girl movie

I love lifetime movies. They are so dramatic and idiotic, that I just love them. Last night I was watching some movie about a girl who goes undercover as a fat girl. She then videotapes all these people reacting to her, rudely. Now I know kids are cruel and fat kids get a lot of flack, but everywhere this girl went she got taunted. I hate to say it but there are so many fat kids in this world, that people would be so used to having fattos around that nobody would care. Not in this movie, everywhere she goes, sits, or walks someone makes a fat comment. Clerks even tell her and her fat friend to leave a store but our heroine, who is not really fat, knows how to stand up for herself and sets that clerk straight. Now right there I see the idiocy of this movie, this girl goes undercover to see how fat kids are treated, she then learns that being fat is not just a physical problem filled with mental anguish by tormenters, but that there are certain traits that fat people have that regular weight people dont. For example Fat people have no confidence and cannot stand up for themselves, they have no sense of style which makes them more ridiculed, fat people are intelligent (I really disagree with this one, I have been to the DMV), and fattoes will do anything for cheese fries.
I didn't really pay attention to the majority of the movie, because bottom line is it sucked, but watching kids call that fat chick a cow and pour ice on her head at the bowling alley was hilarious. I know nothing about this post or blog by itself has any purpose whatsoever, but please if you get a chance watch the fat girl undercover movie.

Some other recomendations for Lifetime: Antything that involves Joey Buttufoco, teenage pregnancies, abusive relationships, and my favorite "Not without my daughter" (between that and the "Stoning of Soraya" I will never allow an Iranian man around any female I know)

Friday, May 7, 2010

Enough

This is a great movie. The story goes like this, successful guy (theyre always the evilest) meets J-Lo while shes a waitress, they get married and have a daughter. Everything is great and 5 years pass. J-Lo discovers her man has cheated on her and confronts him, the argument turns into something else when the guy fed up with J-Lo's bitching slaps her (If J-Lo was bitching at me I would probably give her an uppercut). Then somehow this guy who has been married to her for 5 years and been a perfect husband (with the exception of the minor problem of cheating) turns into a psychopath and threatens to kill her. Now this is the part I don't get, this guy just one day decides he is going to physically intimidate my wife after years of marriage. So the rest of the movie is her hiding from her all powerful husband. It's strange because somehow this guy has a whole gang of henchman willing to do criminal acts to get J-Lo and his daughter back. The leader of the henchmen is a cop and seems to be an old friend, now here the part I don't get, nothing in this movie suggest that any of these henchmen or the successful husband are professional criminals, but they sure act like it. Now these Henchmen are supposed to be cops (I think) so why the hell are they flying all over the country looking for this woman and kid, I know theyre crooked, but still what polioce department lets their guys spend months on the road. Also If my best friend contacted me and said hey help me stalk down and kidnap my wife and kid for me, I probably would tell him no. But it's a movie starring J-Lo so it doesn't have to make sense . The ironic thing is J-Lo did indeed kidnap his daughter, so I don't get why he just doesn't call the real cops, it would also help him secure the girl by showing the mom is a whack job, instead of paying crooked cops, he could hire a damn good lawyer and destroy his ex wife legally. They keep tracking her and come close to getting her a couple of times. J-LO then finds a Janitor to teach her all these defense skills. Then she breaks into her husbands house with the intent to kill him in self defense. Of course thats exactly what she does. Now let me get this straight she kidnaps his kid, breaks into his house, plants false evidence, and premeditatedly murders her husband who is also the father of her child and she's supposed to be the good guy.

Now if I had made the movie, I would have had the guy beat J-Lo for years. Then I would have had 50 cent start dating J-Lo and eventually both J Lo, her husband, and 50 cent would all get shot in the head 7 times each. End of movie, and thoroughly entertaining if you ask me.

Get rich or die trying

This movie sucked, I never finished it though, because it was just so stupid. Watching 50 cent grinning like a goon the whole movie was not very entertainng. His horrrible acting made him sound like a retard, "wen I get bigger Ah wont be a gangsta." Actually I don't have much to say, I was hoping for some stupid Ghetto story with all the stereotypes, the movie provides them but theyre boring. When he meets his lifetime woman he tells her in his retarded voice how he's a gangster. Somehow she likes this bad boy and of course gets with him, it's amazing 50 cent is so famous, the man really comes accross as half retarded. Just because someone got shot 7 times and lived does not make a very interesting movie.

If I was to remake the movie I would start off with 50 Cent getting shot 7 times in the head and not living. Then I wuold spend the next 2 hours filmiing something interesting like a Jan Terri video.

Eddie Matos and Life stories

HBO used to have this awesome show called Life stories. They were filled with hours of entertainment. One of Ben Afflecks first appearances was on this show where he becomes this enrgaed steroid maniac. Watching Affleck say "you think I need steroids to kick your ass" and then watching him beat this dude down was awesome. Then he went crazy and I don't remember if he beat up his girlfriend but I sure wish he had. Then there was that show about that drunk guy, he was actually really cool and those rotten homo friends of his did an intervention on him, just because he got one of them busted, another shot, and was always drunk around his nasty girlfriend. Then there was Eddie Matos, some drug dealer who got paralyzed, it was your sterotypical "look at me, Im from the ghetto, I was a big man with money, now I'm in a wheel chair, don't follow my life" stuff and was sure entertaining. These shows were great, except that one about that homo that killed himself, the world's a better place without him. I really wish they kept making life stories because they provided hours of entertainment.

Which leads me to wonder why does anyone make educational life lesson shows or movies, theyre always over acted, ridiculous and are more comical than anything. There is probably some writer out there that sat down with Eddie Matos and said lets make a show about your life so that we can save other kids lives. Of course the writer is probably an Obama man too, so that sums up a lot abuot him or her. This team effort to somehow save the children, probably has the opposite effect. When I watch the Eddie Matos story, I said wow you can make a lot of money selling drugs, or the Affleck steroid one, I said wow if you use steroids you can kick a lot of ass, or the drunken one I said don't hang out with lameasses (which Brandon came to the same conclusion). The reality is all the negative stuff that happened to these guys doesn't dawn on anyone especially the target audience of teenage boys. What teenage boy doesn't think just like all those idiots in the show that nothing bad is going to happen to them. Probably more kids did steroids as opposed to avoiding after having watched that show, so in reality HBO has contributed to the corruption of young people with these Life stories. But that being said, I just want them back because they were hilarious.

I am writing a letter today, and this is what it will say.

Dear HBO:

I want life stories back. If you do not return to producing them I will send an enraged steroid induced Ben Affleck to "Kick your ass."

Thanks,
Robert Stokes AKA Eddie Matos

My blog is vastly superior than those other blogs

I went through a couple of other blogs last night. They looked nice, very pretty, lots of pictures, they even had writing that was free of grammer and splling errors. But their content was no good. I had to point this out to perhaps a dozen people telling them their blog was no good. See let me tell you why Apple computers wants to buy this blog for a large amount of money. 1. It's written by me 2. Where else can you find Tom Laughlin's nemesis 3. It is great stuff. Well if I was to reveiw my own blog I would give 5 stars out of 5, those other blogs 2, maybe 3. A great analagy would be this blog is the NYC of the Blogging world and every other blog is just a Kamiah, Idaho. In fact I am going to let those other bloggers know that they should jus give it up.

Tom Laughlin's bribe

Tom Laughlin AKA Billy Jack, contacted me today and told me that this blog was hindering his mission in life. I told him that this is America and I can say whatever the hell I want. He then offered me $600 to take down this Blog, but is Robert Stokes a sellout, espeically to the king of all hippies..... I think not. I love the hipocrisy of this guy, the guy's movies are all about the evil man imposing on hippies's rights, yet he himself wants to buy my freedom of speech. This is the same D I C K that came up with the idea of the freedom school and sports that don't have winners or losers (which many California sport programs actaully follow.) That reminds me my son was on this baseball team, there were no outs, no score count, or anything, and let me tell you it was the most boring thing in the world. To hell with Hippies, Freedom School, and Billy Jerk!!!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Shakespeare in Love

I never saw this movie, I tried watching it twice but couldn't because it's so boring. Even the name tells you it's going to be boring, an author thats been dead for several hundred years falls in love, who cares, yawner. The only reason I comment on it, is because it won the Best Picture. SAving Private Ryan should have won that year but the Academy Awards are more about liberal BS than anything else. That is why starting now I am boycotting the Academy Awards, do you hear me George Lucas, BOYCOTT. In fact now that I'm boycotting CSU, and the Academy Awards, I am also boycotting the Phoenix Suns because of their involvemnet in politics lsat night. I have been boycotting Days Inn for years ever since the hillibilly who worked at the one in Spokane charged me for 2 rooms and then accused me of trying to scam Days inn when I tried to get the charges returned.

Bret Michaels

My wife pulled a trick on me the other day, she told me Brett Michaels had died. I immediately called my brother and left the news on his voicemail. That's when my wife told me she had fooled me. God, I really don't know what I would do if Brett Michaels was really gone, where would the world be without Michaels. When my wife first told me I knew that moment was going to be historic, "Where were you when Brett Michaels died" would have been the moment to define my generation. What would we have done without "Rock of Love." Where would I get my diabetes education from if Michaels was not around. What would Donald Trump do without Michaels, would the economy ever recover?

Corey Feldman

I hate this guy. He is a total homo, I really wish someone would just beat him with a broom handle or something, god that would be such a great news story. I love how he and that scumbag Haim family tried to profit from that guy's death. Here they were asking for donations for some huge public funeral, I'm sorry but it's not like Haim was this great actor who accomplished so much. I mean the Lost Boys was good, then there was the Prayer of the Rollerboys, in which I was the only one to watch it and enjoy it (god that is sad I was very young), but other than that Haim is most know for trying to beg for $3 dollars from some foreign guy. They canceled the big public funeral, supposedly due to family privacy, which might be true considering the Haim family knew this was just an atempt by Feldman to try to relaunch whatever career he is trying to pursue. What does this guy do these days except speak at Goonies events.

Well if anyone beats Feldman with a broom handle it would really make my day.

Billy Jack

I have and own all the Billy Jack movies (even Billy Jack Goes to Washington).
Heres an awesome link to an awesome site about Billy Jack Movies
www.jabootu.com/tobjintro.htm I suggest you read the whole F*****N thing, because it's practically the best goddamn movie reveiw I have ever seen that was not written by me.

That being said I recently visited billyjack.com which I must say sucks bad. Tom Laughlin displayed some of his script for his supposed new movie in which Billy Jack is the president. This man's ego and the fact that he is so oblivious fo what an egomaniac he is is astounding. I would like to interview Tom Laughlin about the idiocy of this movie. The first question would be how did a convicted cop killer get elected to president of the United States? The second question would be why did he remove my posts on his blog? My Blog is vastly superior to his by the way and I am not Billy Jack. Also I would ask him is it legal that ponzi finance scheme he is using to raise money for his movie, it doesn't sound it.

I was shocked at the prices they charge for their merchandise, who the F**K would pay $500 for black hat with a beaded thing on it? Also they charge extra for him and that disgusting wife of his autographs? It's too bad the national guard didn't shoot Delores Taylor for real.

Leave it to Beaver

I heard this story years ago about a teacher at CSU telling her students that she watched the first show of "Leave it to Beaver" and that Ward (Beaver's dad) beat the Beaver and the wife said to Ward that if he ever hit Beaver again she would leave him. Now I want to say publicly that show never happened, and that teacher should be fired. I don't know why or how this woman came up with this totally unbeleivable lie, but something has to be done, and I'm doing it right goddamn now. I don't know her name or what class it was or even when, but let me tell you that I will never attend a CSU class ever because of it. I am dead serious no frickin way will you catch me on that campus, you defame a classic show with your skewed beleifs than to hell with you. Tell me whacked out CSU professor, why would Ward (who is supposed to be the embodiment of the perfect 1950's father) hit his own son? It never happened crakpot. Keep writing your letters to women in Afghanistan, who not only can't read at all, yet alone in English.

This Boy's Life

This is one of the best movies ever made. Not only does it have Robert Deniro in it, but its a comedy. It's hilarious, I have purposely tried to change my life to be more like Deniro's character, well with the exception of his physical acts. I come home and when my kid doesn't listen, I put him in his room and say "kill or cure". The other day when the family went to the store and left me at home alone, I chased after the car yelling "you'll remember me." I even did a stand up comedy show a couple of months ago where I killed with the joke, "if you like nice churches come to Concrete, if you like sin go to hell." I can't stand Candy Hogs either.

Chevy Chase

I would kill to see that Chevy Chase roast from a couple of years ago. I would have loved to see his face when he got torn apart, there is nothing I love more than public humiliation (as long as it's not me or my family). The man who bought us some of the worst entertainment the world has got to offer got destroyed. Does anyone remember the Chevy Chase show? Probably not, although I never saw the show I remember the ridiculous commercials advertising it. It is still a famous story in our household about how Mike Sheridan proclaimed in front of my brother about how hilarious this show was going to be after wathcing a commerical advertising it. It was hilarious not for the fact that it was funny, but for how quickly the show crashed and burned how pathetic.