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Friday, May 28, 2010

GARY COLEMAN DIED

REMEMBER THIS MOMENT IT WILL DEFINE YOUR LIFE, "Where were you when GARY COLEMAN DIED"

Another friendly pit bull story

http://www.ktla.com/news/landing/ktla-san-bernardino-pit-bull-mauling,0,2534541.story

Why is that every asshole on the planet, says my pitt bull really loves kids. Whoever would have small children and a pitt bull in the same house are fucking stupid.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The immaculates cult is real

Upon recommendation by one of the fans of this website, I was directed to investigate a cult called "The immaculates." These fuckers exist and like all Cults they blow the fucking mind considering how fucking weird they are. This cult is led by this whacko, John Mark Karr who claimed to Kill Jon Benet Ramsey, somehow he has a cult that has followers who give him little girls dressed up like Jon Benet Ramsey. It's fucking real which is really fucking depressing to know.

Guys like John Mark Karr and David Berg (COG cult) give cults a real bad rep. Some good Cults were Jim Jones' "People's Temple" and Heavens Gate, they didn't hurt innocent people just themselves. Even Koresh and the Branch Davidians really weren't that bad, all they did was defend themselves. Personally Jim Jones did the world a favor, how do you convince 900 liberals to kill themselves?

But this Karr, he's not a cult leader he is a pedophile. I wish he would have joined the "Movement for the Restoration of the Ten Commandments." Those guys know how to get things done.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Repeated attacks

Since this blogs inception several weeks ago I have been repeatedly threatenned and harasses and I will not take it any more. For example here is a comment that I deleted.

"Mr Stokes, your blog sucks, my blog is vastly superior to yours."

Well here is my response, no your blog is not superior, mine is twice as superior to yours. I, unlike this individual, have the ability to quantify blogs, and lo and behold my blog scores higher than all the other blogs.

Awesome link

http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-reviews/A3MEPA6GTA2MVZ/ref=cm_rna_own_review_more?ie=UTF8&sort_by=MostRecentReview#R29B149YGDBY29

John Kreese explained (the evil Sensei from The Karate Kid)

I beleive John Kreese, was sent to Vietnam at a young age, as a young man he was idealistic and had compassion for people. When he first saw combat, he had the oppurtunity to finish a wounded enemy soldier, instead he showed mercy and let the man live, immediately the man pulled a hand grenade and killed John's best friend. He realized that his weakness had gotten his friend killed, this angered him and plagued him with guilt, he then came to a conclusion, I must kill the enemy, or he will kill me. This is where it came to Kreese that "mercy is for the weak." When John came home from the war he learned Karate, during his study he was taught that Karate is used for self defense. John never changed the philosophy of Karate, he just knew from practical experience that shooting a sniper before he shoots you was the best defense. This is the foundation of the Cobra Kai, the best defense is a strong and punishing offense. John loved his Cobra Kais, and that is why he was so tough on them, he wished his father was tougher on him when he was younger, so that he would not have had to grow up so quickly one fateful day in Vietnam. When you watch Karate Kid, do not judge Kreese as some brutal man who gets enjoyment out of watching a 15 year old kid get beaten, understand although his intentions and actions may seem misguided, his heart is just that of a patriot. He truly beleives the beatings Daniel takes will make him a stronger man, the ending of this movie is proof that Kreese, although portrayed as the bad guy, truly is the most motivating factor behind the whole movie. Ultimately and indirectly Kreese provides Daniel with friendship and self confidence that would not have happened otherwise.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Blog for sale

As many of my loyal followers know, I have been getting multiple offers on the sale of this blog. Here is a letter from one of them.

Dear Mr Stokes

Your blog is a stroke of genius, unmatched by any other. We want to purchase it for $150,000. When God created man, along with his creation was imperfection, when God created Robert Stokes then there was perfection.

Mike Nichols
President
Telstar Industries

My response is No Way Nichols this blog is worth at least 10 times that amount.

The Boys Next Door

This is a great movie really. IT stars Charlie Sheen in one of his first movies ever. Its about 2 high school kids that take a road trip to LA, Charlie Sheen's character is kind of normal but his buddy is a maniac. It is not your typical high school kid road trip movie though. The maniac ends up almost beating some foreign guy to death when the foreigner tries to rip them off on gas. Then the maniac throws a beer bottle that hits this old lady in the head (that was hilarious). He then kills a gay dude, then he kills some easy chick that sleeps with Charlie Sheen. Then Charlie Sheen decides that killing those people was a bad thing and that they should call an end to the road trip (Ya think a couple of murders might ruin your vacation a little bit.) I will not ruin the end, but it's a good movie.

Mainly I like the cops in it, especially when the gay guy is killed the cops investigating are talking with the gay guy's lover, the one cop starts calling the guy a fag and making fun of the "Buttslammin" bar that they were at. It's a completely unneccessary scene, but is hilarious.

If they were ever to make a remake, I would have the dick cop have a more prominent role and have him insulting every victim he came accross. Other than that great movie.

Platoon

I love Platoon, this will always be one of my favorites. Because of this movie I tried joining the military when I was 18. I had the impression that all you do in the army is smoke weed, drink beer, party, play cards, and occasionaly burn down a village after murdering some of it's inhabitants; sounds fun to me. Although I don't think Elias, as cool as he was, would have been allowed to stay in the military before the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy came into effect. The guy is totally queer for Taylor, when he is eating that bannana on that hammack staring at Taylor, I just want to vomit. Oliver Stone clearly hates the US military, half of the soldiers in this movie are complete degenerates, the other half, the good guys are a bunch of wastoids. If I was to remake this movie.... I wouldn't except maybe I would add zombies to the movie, for example Elias would come back as a zombie and Barnes would keep it in a cage.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Wal Mart

Now I shop at Wal Mart cause its cheap and so do a lot of other people. The problem with the people there is that many of them are fat fucking pigs, that are generally too stupid or just plain fucking rude. Now I generally go to Wal Mart in the morning for 2 reasons, 1 to beat any crowds, 2 because all the fat retarded people that take up a whole aisle way and won't or cannot move out of your way somehow can't get their fat asses out of bed till around 1. My wife one time was trapped in an aisle way where 2 of these pigs where at both ends of the aisle way, of course when she tried to pass they wouldn't move, either they were purposely using their large bodies to block the aisle just to be that way or they were just so stupid they didn't realize a cart cant get past them. I think my wife eventually had to say excuse me and got past them. Although sometimes when you use politness with these pigs they take a major offense, one time I walked past one and politely said excuse me to one, she moved and 2 seconds later I could hear her bitching loudly to someone else "ah waznt eeven inn hiz waay" (which she was in my way and she knew it). I think they should offer training to all customers that are as wide as an aisle on how to move out of the way.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Wiggers at Kaiser

My wife was at Kaiser the other day waiting to get a prescription filled, waiting paitiently in line when this woman walks up to ask the pharmacy clerk if her name had been called already. Well I guess a white man who thinks emulating ebonics and a corporate made gangster hip hop lifestyle (a Wigger) had to say something to the clerk. I guess he repeatedly made a statement on behalf of all the other people that he shouldn't let this woman cut in front of the line, sith every other line being "ya know what I'm saying." This must have been the dumbass's first time at Kaiser pharmacy because everyone knows if your a person whose name is called you don't wait in line. So after he the clerk explained to this guy the situation, the wigger kept taking more of the clerks time arguing his case with a lot of ya know what I'm saying. The idiot ending up holding up the line longer than it should of because the clerk was too polite to just ignore this wigger temper tantrum. Although the Wigger did not get out of line, it just makes me think what is wrong with these people.
So called psychiatrist and psychologist diagnose every human personality as a disorder, why are these wiggers seriously not in therapy or on medication. I have not been on the planet too long, but has there ever been a time in history where mass amounts of people some how adopted some identity that they learned from music and television and then became that person. In that case why aren't there more people who act like CLint Eastwood, he is a lot cooler than some retard from Menace to Society that can barely talk English "Snaps on the Petro."
I used to think wiggerdom was some trend that would come and go, like greasers in the 50's. Unfortunately in 2010, they are still alive and well and still acting like a bunch of dumbasses. The worst part is that these guys grew up and are now in their 30's and still talk and act like retards ya know what i'm sayin. A great movie about Wigger culture is White Boyz
I should become one for a day, maybe I will realize I will like it and I will stay that way forever. Here is my strategy.
1. Spend 48 hours watching every black gangster movie I can find
2. Make a physical threat to at least one person a day using words such as "whup, beat down, split yo whig" (of course I never intend to act on this except unless I have a wigger in training with me and a serious advantage of size)
3. Every time I meet someone new I will act in a confrotational matter until I know the person is "respecting" me if not I will resort to item 2 again with no intent to actually use violence.
4. Be as loud as possible so as everyone knows a real gangsta is present
5. Whatever theyre wearing in the most recent black gangster movie, I'm wearing it.
6. End every sentence with a "ya know what I'm saying" or DamMM
7. Decide whether I am a benevolent thug who has redeemed his wicked past and now refers to women as females, or if I am pure hard gangster and refer to woman in as many derogatory names I can think of.
8. Try to talk how I think ebonics sounds
9. Live my life with the knowledge that only I know the true way of being a man and every other white person just doesn't know how hard it really is.
10. Walk like the main character from Menace to Society.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The fat girl movie

I love lifetime movies. They are so dramatic and idiotic, that I just love them. Last night I was watching some movie about a girl who goes undercover as a fat girl. She then videotapes all these people reacting to her, rudely. Now I know kids are cruel and fat kids get a lot of flack, but everywhere this girl went she got taunted. I hate to say it but there are so many fat kids in this world, that people would be so used to having fattos around that nobody would care. Not in this movie, everywhere she goes, sits, or walks someone makes a fat comment. Clerks even tell her and her fat friend to leave a store but our heroine, who is not really fat, knows how to stand up for herself and sets that clerk straight. Now right there I see the idiocy of this movie, this girl goes undercover to see how fat kids are treated, she then learns that being fat is not just a physical problem filled with mental anguish by tormenters, but that there are certain traits that fat people have that regular weight people dont. For example Fat people have no confidence and cannot stand up for themselves, they have no sense of style which makes them more ridiculed, fat people are intelligent (I really disagree with this one, I have been to the DMV), and fattoes will do anything for cheese fries.
I didn't really pay attention to the majority of the movie, because bottom line is it sucked, but watching kids call that fat chick a cow and pour ice on her head at the bowling alley was hilarious. I know nothing about this post or blog by itself has any purpose whatsoever, but please if you get a chance watch the fat girl undercover movie.

Some other recomendations for Lifetime: Antything that involves Joey Buttufoco, teenage pregnancies, abusive relationships, and my favorite "Not without my daughter" (between that and the "Stoning of Soraya" I will never allow an Iranian man around any female I know)

Friday, May 7, 2010

Enough

This is a great movie. The story goes like this, successful guy (theyre always the evilest) meets J-Lo while shes a waitress, they get married and have a daughter. Everything is great and 5 years pass. J-Lo discovers her man has cheated on her and confronts him, the argument turns into something else when the guy fed up with J-Lo's bitching slaps her (If J-Lo was bitching at me I would probably give her an uppercut). Then somehow this guy who has been married to her for 5 years and been a perfect husband (with the exception of the minor problem of cheating) turns into a psychopath and threatens to kill her. Now this is the part I don't get, this guy just one day decides he is going to physically intimidate my wife after years of marriage. So the rest of the movie is her hiding from her all powerful husband. It's strange because somehow this guy has a whole gang of henchman willing to do criminal acts to get J-Lo and his daughter back. The leader of the henchmen is a cop and seems to be an old friend, now here the part I don't get, nothing in this movie suggest that any of these henchmen or the successful husband are professional criminals, but they sure act like it. Now these Henchmen are supposed to be cops (I think) so why the hell are they flying all over the country looking for this woman and kid, I know theyre crooked, but still what polioce department lets their guys spend months on the road. Also If my best friend contacted me and said hey help me stalk down and kidnap my wife and kid for me, I probably would tell him no. But it's a movie starring J-Lo so it doesn't have to make sense . The ironic thing is J-Lo did indeed kidnap his daughter, so I don't get why he just doesn't call the real cops, it would also help him secure the girl by showing the mom is a whack job, instead of paying crooked cops, he could hire a damn good lawyer and destroy his ex wife legally. They keep tracking her and come close to getting her a couple of times. J-LO then finds a Janitor to teach her all these defense skills. Then she breaks into her husbands house with the intent to kill him in self defense. Of course thats exactly what she does. Now let me get this straight she kidnaps his kid, breaks into his house, plants false evidence, and premeditatedly murders her husband who is also the father of her child and she's supposed to be the good guy.

Now if I had made the movie, I would have had the guy beat J-Lo for years. Then I would have had 50 cent start dating J-Lo and eventually both J Lo, her husband, and 50 cent would all get shot in the head 7 times each. End of movie, and thoroughly entertaining if you ask me.

Get rich or die trying

This movie sucked, I never finished it though, because it was just so stupid. Watching 50 cent grinning like a goon the whole movie was not very entertainng. His horrrible acting made him sound like a retard, "wen I get bigger Ah wont be a gangsta." Actually I don't have much to say, I was hoping for some stupid Ghetto story with all the stereotypes, the movie provides them but theyre boring. When he meets his lifetime woman he tells her in his retarded voice how he's a gangster. Somehow she likes this bad boy and of course gets with him, it's amazing 50 cent is so famous, the man really comes accross as half retarded. Just because someone got shot 7 times and lived does not make a very interesting movie.

If I was to remake the movie I would start off with 50 Cent getting shot 7 times in the head and not living. Then I wuold spend the next 2 hours filmiing something interesting like a Jan Terri video.

Eddie Matos and Life stories

HBO used to have this awesome show called Life stories. They were filled with hours of entertainment. One of Ben Afflecks first appearances was on this show where he becomes this enrgaed steroid maniac. Watching Affleck say "you think I need steroids to kick your ass" and then watching him beat this dude down was awesome. Then he went crazy and I don't remember if he beat up his girlfriend but I sure wish he had. Then there was that show about that drunk guy, he was actually really cool and those rotten homo friends of his did an intervention on him, just because he got one of them busted, another shot, and was always drunk around his nasty girlfriend. Then there was Eddie Matos, some drug dealer who got paralyzed, it was your sterotypical "look at me, Im from the ghetto, I was a big man with money, now I'm in a wheel chair, don't follow my life" stuff and was sure entertaining. These shows were great, except that one about that homo that killed himself, the world's a better place without him. I really wish they kept making life stories because they provided hours of entertainment.

Which leads me to wonder why does anyone make educational life lesson shows or movies, theyre always over acted, ridiculous and are more comical than anything. There is probably some writer out there that sat down with Eddie Matos and said lets make a show about your life so that we can save other kids lives. Of course the writer is probably an Obama man too, so that sums up a lot abuot him or her. This team effort to somehow save the children, probably has the opposite effect. When I watch the Eddie Matos story, I said wow you can make a lot of money selling drugs, or the Affleck steroid one, I said wow if you use steroids you can kick a lot of ass, or the drunken one I said don't hang out with lameasses (which Brandon came to the same conclusion). The reality is all the negative stuff that happened to these guys doesn't dawn on anyone especially the target audience of teenage boys. What teenage boy doesn't think just like all those idiots in the show that nothing bad is going to happen to them. Probably more kids did steroids as opposed to avoiding after having watched that show, so in reality HBO has contributed to the corruption of young people with these Life stories. But that being said, I just want them back because they were hilarious.

I am writing a letter today, and this is what it will say.

Dear HBO:

I want life stories back. If you do not return to producing them I will send an enraged steroid induced Ben Affleck to "Kick your ass."

Thanks,
Robert Stokes AKA Eddie Matos

My blog is vastly superior than those other blogs

I went through a couple of other blogs last night. They looked nice, very pretty, lots of pictures, they even had writing that was free of grammer and splling errors. But their content was no good. I had to point this out to perhaps a dozen people telling them their blog was no good. See let me tell you why Apple computers wants to buy this blog for a large amount of money. 1. It's written by me 2. Where else can you find Tom Laughlin's nemesis 3. It is great stuff. Well if I was to reveiw my own blog I would give 5 stars out of 5, those other blogs 2, maybe 3. A great analagy would be this blog is the NYC of the Blogging world and every other blog is just a Kamiah, Idaho. In fact I am going to let those other bloggers know that they should jus give it up.

Tom Laughlin's bribe

Tom Laughlin AKA Billy Jack, contacted me today and told me that this blog was hindering his mission in life. I told him that this is America and I can say whatever the hell I want. He then offered me $600 to take down this Blog, but is Robert Stokes a sellout, espeically to the king of all hippies..... I think not. I love the hipocrisy of this guy, the guy's movies are all about the evil man imposing on hippies's rights, yet he himself wants to buy my freedom of speech. This is the same D I C K that came up with the idea of the freedom school and sports that don't have winners or losers (which many California sport programs actaully follow.) That reminds me my son was on this baseball team, there were no outs, no score count, or anything, and let me tell you it was the most boring thing in the world. To hell with Hippies, Freedom School, and Billy Jerk!!!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Shakespeare in Love

I never saw this movie, I tried watching it twice but couldn't because it's so boring. Even the name tells you it's going to be boring, an author thats been dead for several hundred years falls in love, who cares, yawner. The only reason I comment on it, is because it won the Best Picture. SAving Private Ryan should have won that year but the Academy Awards are more about liberal BS than anything else. That is why starting now I am boycotting the Academy Awards, do you hear me George Lucas, BOYCOTT. In fact now that I'm boycotting CSU, and the Academy Awards, I am also boycotting the Phoenix Suns because of their involvemnet in politics lsat night. I have been boycotting Days Inn for years ever since the hillibilly who worked at the one in Spokane charged me for 2 rooms and then accused me of trying to scam Days inn when I tried to get the charges returned.

Bret Michaels

My wife pulled a trick on me the other day, she told me Brett Michaels had died. I immediately called my brother and left the news on his voicemail. That's when my wife told me she had fooled me. God, I really don't know what I would do if Brett Michaels was really gone, where would the world be without Michaels. When my wife first told me I knew that moment was going to be historic, "Where were you when Brett Michaels died" would have been the moment to define my generation. What would we have done without "Rock of Love." Where would I get my diabetes education from if Michaels was not around. What would Donald Trump do without Michaels, would the economy ever recover?

Corey Feldman

I hate this guy. He is a total homo, I really wish someone would just beat him with a broom handle or something, god that would be such a great news story. I love how he and that scumbag Haim family tried to profit from that guy's death. Here they were asking for donations for some huge public funeral, I'm sorry but it's not like Haim was this great actor who accomplished so much. I mean the Lost Boys was good, then there was the Prayer of the Rollerboys, in which I was the only one to watch it and enjoy it (god that is sad I was very young), but other than that Haim is most know for trying to beg for $3 dollars from some foreign guy. They canceled the big public funeral, supposedly due to family privacy, which might be true considering the Haim family knew this was just an atempt by Feldman to try to relaunch whatever career he is trying to pursue. What does this guy do these days except speak at Goonies events.

Well if anyone beats Feldman with a broom handle it would really make my day.

Billy Jack

I have and own all the Billy Jack movies (even Billy Jack Goes to Washington).
Heres an awesome link to an awesome site about Billy Jack Movies
www.jabootu.com/tobjintro.htm I suggest you read the whole F*****N thing, because it's practically the best goddamn movie reveiw I have ever seen that was not written by me.

That being said I recently visited billyjack.com which I must say sucks bad. Tom Laughlin displayed some of his script for his supposed new movie in which Billy Jack is the president. This man's ego and the fact that he is so oblivious fo what an egomaniac he is is astounding. I would like to interview Tom Laughlin about the idiocy of this movie. The first question would be how did a convicted cop killer get elected to president of the United States? The second question would be why did he remove my posts on his blog? My Blog is vastly superior to his by the way and I am not Billy Jack. Also I would ask him is it legal that ponzi finance scheme he is using to raise money for his movie, it doesn't sound it.

I was shocked at the prices they charge for their merchandise, who the F**K would pay $500 for black hat with a beaded thing on it? Also they charge extra for him and that disgusting wife of his autographs? It's too bad the national guard didn't shoot Delores Taylor for real.

Leave it to Beaver

I heard this story years ago about a teacher at CSU telling her students that she watched the first show of "Leave it to Beaver" and that Ward (Beaver's dad) beat the Beaver and the wife said to Ward that if he ever hit Beaver again she would leave him. Now I want to say publicly that show never happened, and that teacher should be fired. I don't know why or how this woman came up with this totally unbeleivable lie, but something has to be done, and I'm doing it right goddamn now. I don't know her name or what class it was or even when, but let me tell you that I will never attend a CSU class ever because of it. I am dead serious no frickin way will you catch me on that campus, you defame a classic show with your skewed beleifs than to hell with you. Tell me whacked out CSU professor, why would Ward (who is supposed to be the embodiment of the perfect 1950's father) hit his own son? It never happened crakpot. Keep writing your letters to women in Afghanistan, who not only can't read at all, yet alone in English.

This Boy's Life

This is one of the best movies ever made. Not only does it have Robert Deniro in it, but its a comedy. It's hilarious, I have purposely tried to change my life to be more like Deniro's character, well with the exception of his physical acts. I come home and when my kid doesn't listen, I put him in his room and say "kill or cure". The other day when the family went to the store and left me at home alone, I chased after the car yelling "you'll remember me." I even did a stand up comedy show a couple of months ago where I killed with the joke, "if you like nice churches come to Concrete, if you like sin go to hell." I can't stand Candy Hogs either.

Chevy Chase

I would kill to see that Chevy Chase roast from a couple of years ago. I would have loved to see his face when he got torn apart, there is nothing I love more than public humiliation (as long as it's not me or my family). The man who bought us some of the worst entertainment the world has got to offer got destroyed. Does anyone remember the Chevy Chase show? Probably not, although I never saw the show I remember the ridiculous commercials advertising it. It is still a famous story in our household about how Mike Sheridan proclaimed in front of my brother about how hilarious this show was going to be after wathcing a commerical advertising it. It was hilarious not for the fact that it was funny, but for how quickly the show crashed and burned how pathetic.